Hurricanes and Butterflies
Hey, it’s been awhile.
Between the celebrations, bursting business, and well life, it has been pretty busy. Over the last half of the year I have been feeling a little uninspired to be “online” and I spent some much needed moments with myself. The truth is, sweet butterflies, I haven’t been doing as well as my highlight reel has been portraying. I am incredibly blessed and I wouldn’t want to show up anywhere else than right here in this life but I got swept up these last few months and as the dust is settling I feel like I am picking up some pieces of my old self.
As you all know, I am in constant reflection on this space. There are a lot of growing pains that comes with aging gracefully and a lot of times it doesn’t feel that graceful.
When I look in the mirror lately, I barely recognize the hazel eyes staring back at me. I see the sparkle and shine but what I have been seeing in that reflection is not the sunrays and laughter I have come to love. With the chilly air, this winter has brought back an old acquaintance I haven’t been willing to embrace in a long while.
It’s the little things like the anxious urge for the clock to strike so you can finally strip off the day and crawl underneath the covers. It is the feeling that nothing is wrong but nothing is right. You are tired of nothing, tired of everything, and tired of being tired. December is a rough season and truthfully, I can’t remember a time when it wasn’t. I am an absolute grinch when it comes to the holidays but one of the things that I love about this season is the overwhelming amount of warmth.
Family and friends are making the time to spend it together and each year I find myself hugging them all a little closer. Being surrounded by the past, the present, and the future is both suffocating and satisfying at the same time. And as much as I want to spend most of this season tucked into the comforts of my bed, the busyness has been a welcomed distraction.
As the new year approaches I am making myself a promise to do only what makes me happy. Among the creeping sadness there has been a number of passions lighting a fire within me, and I am showcasing them all in 2019.
Life has given me a hurricane of butterflies lately, but I am going to use it as fuel rather than let it destroy me this time.
What does the new year have in store for you?
Until next time, tah.