Be Grateful For Toxic Relationships

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*Cue record scratch* You totally read that title right, I promise.

Every year, I find myself in kind of funk around this season. In the past it probably has been the the school year ending and a lot of aspects of my life wrapping up for the summer. But as I have been reflecting a little more post-grad, I think it has a lot more to do with the fact that I experienced a few heartbreaks during this time.

Letting go of an important relationship in your life is incredibly hard. I have been blessed by the universe with a wonderfully positive romantic relationship over the last five years but in that time there has been some friendships that had to come to an end. These are unique individuals who have impacted my life greatly and helped shape me into the person that I am today. I crossed paths with these souls at different stages and yet they have both given me my greatest life lessons. I would like to take this time instead of feeling upset and heartbroken about how things turned out to thank each of you.

Thank you for being in my life and the time that we have shared. There are more than a handful of beautiful memories that I fondly look back on and use to help tell my narrative. We have laughed until our stomachs hurt and bonded over a number of things that I couldn’t even keep track of.

With our long history, we got to know things about each other that barely, if anyone, knew and I think that is what made things harder. You were one of the rare loves of my life and we got comfortable. We both got used to how things were and when life started to change so did we, just not in a good way. I think we were both angry with the situation and each other but for whatever reason, we could never figure out how to talk about it without passive aggressive messages and heated conversations. We walked around eggshells for too much time and in the end, it had to end. So thank you, thank you for teaching me my worth as a person and as a friend.

With our short history, we were exactly what we needed. At the time that we met, I needed a friend that I could talk to and you gave me just that. From class assignments to bits about life, you were the listening ear that I needed to get through college. You were a firecracker and I admired that about you. You had this fun personality with a confidence about you that drew me in, then you introduced me to my twin soul and for a few years, we had an incredible time with our family of friends. When things went wrong and came to an abrupt end, it really made me reflect. It made me realize that brushing things off for the sake of hurt feelings is never the answer and that everyone is entitled to how they feel, even if you see it as stupid. So thank you, thank you for teaching me to speak up and talk things out.

I have spent a lot of time mourning the end of my friendships with the both of those souls and part of my heart is still working on moving on. Actions and words can never be taken back but they can be taken for granted. We can continue to feel mad and hurt about the resulting situation or we can utilize the experience to be better for the future. Because of these two toxic relationships, I have a deeper and stronger bond with the people that are in my life today. So for that, I am ever grateful and you should be too. The pain we carry from our past will continue to hurt but that does not mean that our present has to have the same outcome. Be grateful butterflies, learn from your tough experiences and grow from them. Above all, love.

Until next time, tah.