The Heaviest (and Happiest) I Have Ever Been

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It is 2019 and I am the heaviest (and the happiest) I have ever been.

I realized that when I sat down to write this that there is a version of me out there that couldn’t even fathom weighing more than I did in high school and being okay with it. From extra cheesy Kraft mac and cheese to large combination pizzas and the pints of Haagen Daz chocolate ice cream in between, there was a time when this was my go-to “diet”. I was stuck in this recurring cycle where I would convince myself that it was okay to go the entire day without eating only to end up pigging out and feeling so guilty.

I have mentioned this quite a few times across different platforms but since high school, I have been on this roller coaster journey to learn how to start loving the skin I am in. Our bodies are the one place we have to show up each and every day, and for as long as I can remember I really struggled with being comfortable with my weight. Prior to graduating high school, I made the decision that was going to change.

I cut the junk and it made a huge difference in my appearance but it wasn’t quite enough. I incorporated exercise into my routine once I got to college and I started down a fairly slippery slope. What began as a positive change developed into an unhealthy obsession and before I knew it I was down 25 pounds and living off of solely salads. I posted a four year transformation this past Fall that compares my skinniest to my heaviest and honestly...I am blown away by how far I have come.

Here I am six years later and I am the same weight I was when I started. In fact, I am exactly three pounds heavier than I was in high school and I could not be happier to say that. The best part? I am almost positive that the past me wouldn’t be screaming internally at the current reflection in the mirror.

So what have learned over the course of my health journey?

Step off the scale.  

They say money isn’t everything and I am here to tell you that numbers aren’t either. It is an incredibly hard habit to break but once you stop focusing on what the scale reads and you start listening to what your body is telling you, you’ll discover just how much progress you will actually make both mentally and physically. The last two years I have made it a point to focus on how I actually feel versus what the numbers are telling me to.

I am the heaviest I have ever been and I am also the healthiest.

I sleep deeper and better than before.
I have more energy than I used to.
I have the clearest skin even as I get older.
And I have weight in all the right places.

You have to actually eat to hit your goals.

Counting calories to measuring out portions? Believe me I have been there and while heavily monitoring your food intake can lead to results, it comes with strings. I learned during this process to treat my meals like food was the enemy and it created a really dangerous relationship with what was on my plate. It lead to a guilty conscious, grumbling stomach, and a god awful mindset. I couldn’t look at the mirror without picking at the girl standing in front of me and when I gave in and ate something that was actually satisfying...I found myself crying about it. And on top of all that, I couldn’t keep up with that strict lifestyle once life started to get busy.

A sustainable lifestyle, one like what the 30 days to healthy living teaches you, is both healthy, creates results, and requires you to actually eat.

Maximize your plate with nutrients.

While eating in the right amount of portions is still pretty important for an overall healthy digestive system, filling your plate with as much nutrient dense foods really does make all the difference. Health is more than just your pants size and if you focus on feeding your body with ingredients that actually fuel it, you will begin to notice positive steps towards your goals.

Over the course of this journey, not only did I gain weight but I also gained a better perspective. I will always be a work in progress but I have never been happier with how I look and feel than I do now. Whether you are looking to lose some weight or just lose your crappy perception of yourself, I hope that you take these thoughts and reflect them into your own journey because I truly wish this kind of positivity into your life.

Until next time, tah.

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